Crave

“And I want to play hide and seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat from my plate and meet you at ‘your house’ and talk about the day and type up your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don’t want to listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you’re sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee at midnight and have you steal my ‘ice cream’ and never be able to find a match and tell you about the TV program I saw the night before and take you to the eye doctor and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I LOVE your hair, your yes, your lips, your neck and your breasts. And sit on the steps smoking till your neighbor comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when y ou’re late and be amazed when you’re early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I’m black and be sorry when I’m wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos AND WISH I’D KNOW YOU FOREVER and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you’re angry and your eyes have gone red and the other eye blue. […] And tell you you’re gorgeous and hug you when you’re anxious and hold you when you’re hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I’m next to you and whimper when I’m not and dribble on you rbreast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don’t and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I’m regretting you when I’m not regretting you and wonder how you could think I’d ever regret you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don’t believe me and have a feeling so deep i can’t find words for it. And want to buy you a ‘puppy’ I’d get jealous of because it would get more attention than me (and Apollo) and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don’t want and take them away again and ask you to ‘go to brazil’ with me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don’t mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wonder the city thinking it’s empty without you and want what you want and think i’m losing myself but know i’m safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don’t deserve any less and answer your questions when I’d rather not and tell you the truth when I really don’t want and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it’s all over but hang on for just ten more minutes. […] And forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it’s beautiful learning to know you and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow, somehow, somehow communicate some of the overwhelming, undying, overpowering, unconditional, all-encompassing, heart-enriching, mind-expanding, on-going, never-ending LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU.”

Written by Sarah Kane in “Crave”. Excerpt given to me by Jessica Rodrigues.

This is the sweetest thing I’ve ever been given and perfectly describes the type of love I want to feel and be felt in return.

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