Getting Away With Murder

Blood pours upon the ash, splashing and splattering atop remnants past. Somewhere between the madness and the sadness it all came crashing down. I feel irrational, confrontational, even partially delusional as I watch my heart pulsate upon that bloodied ground. I feel outside is inside and everybody’s outside, peering through their windows of blue as if they’re safe from what’s really on the inside and there you go, walking away from the whispers and straight towards your fears. Footsteps slowly dissipating, absorbed by all those people crowding along the walls looking in to see what it’s about, looking in to see what i am all about. All the while, your feet tread away and quieting down I am left on my own and calming down I just can’t believe how smoothly you get away with murder.

My toes struggle against that constricting shoe cracking glass and spreading all that reddened goo and still I hear, the whispers and footsteps, still I hear the laughter of memories. My eyes transfixed watching red conquer white, staining the ground with nothing, not even one fight. Slowly spreading like whispers in the night air or trust for one pair, the reddened goo creeps through the night, drinking down everyone’s fight. All the while you walk away with no explanation, no reason, no blame. All the while your footsteps fade and I am amazed that you are getting away with murder.

My knees crash down resounding in a boom and all eyes thrust to me as the house lights fade. I am the star in this life escapade. I am the leading actress in this one night play. My heart beats slower the more I draw near and this time it is forever I fear. Forever curled beside a personal bass drum. Forever blanketed by spilled, tainted blood. Kept warm by memories too far to reach, and much too naive to ever rethink. Cold and alone with spot light glaring down, awaiting my next performance in this godforsaken town. All the while, as the lights fade away, the whispers quiet and the stage slips away, I hear those footsteps walking away with no farewell or last escapade. All the while my mouth hangs dry wondering why you should get away with murder.

Curled around that slowly quieting organ, flesh to flesh, wound to wound, pieces of me flutter about the room. Nothing quite seems right, nothing fits just right. Nothing fills the nothingness enveloping my fleeing soul. Darkness crawls nearer upon its wounded knees and scurrying claws, grinning with its menacing fangs and crusted lips. I stare face to face with that demon of darkness, that shadowy spirit, that faulty Pharaoh of pain and suffering. I know his name and I touch his face, his mission is clear but I shalt not release this world which has haunted me, this world that has abandoned me. No matter the illogical conclusion, no matter the naivety, no matter the despairing state of my depravity, I shalt not release my hold upon this world of imperfect mortality. This world contains such abundance of hope and opportunity. No, Death shalt not grasp my hand tonight. Yet, as I gaze upon his fiery stare reflecting the depths of Hell in all its fiery torment, I hear your footsteps echoing within my mind, trampling down upon my heart. My eyes witness the heels crushing my heart and still you say nothing. Still, you are getting away with murder.

Grasping my heart tighter, clenching it close, I open my chest and release the tears drowning my soul. Never before has such agony been bestowed upon damnation itself. With such grievous tears I wash that hellish demon away who calls himself Death. Pressing that pulsing organ further I force my heart back within my aching bosom and weep from the sheer excruciating punishment that hath been bestowed upon me. Slowly, so very slowly, I slip and slide to my knees. My head falls backwards from exhaustion or praise, I shalt not know, either way I glanced upwards towards that heavenly light and thanked the skies, thanked the stars, thanked the heavens above for my inner salvation and all that hath become of me. All the agony, all the pain, all the negativity and punishing activity, created the life and the being that I am today.

Still, heart wounded, barely beating inside, blood dripping from betwixt nail and flesh, I stumble upwards, thrust my chin high, and fall off the stage of expectancy. Society chokes bending their necks so far to watch down their noses at my human facade. Normality is relative as is everything else, yet society dictates what everyone does.

Except for now.

Stumbling harshly and acting quite rashly, I chase those footsteps in great thriller fashion. Always echoing within the confines of my mind, always stamping down upon each vessel in my heart, always crushing the wings of my mortal soul. All the while silent as a ghost as you expertly get away with murder.

The Darkness

Darkness overwhelms me below the late
Moonlight. Cascading down upon crimson tears shed above
stones of darkened illusion. Cloaked in shadow, memories control
my mind, my spirit, my will. Mosquitos drain my strength away as
bats twitter and soar above. Beneath twinkling stars of prophesized
guidance, my lungs contract and my heart clenches. Hand shake
limbs tremble, and chest heaves. Blood drips down to adorn the corpse-
filled earth below. Glints of white shine through utter darkness and warn
of danger and the thirst for blood. Darkness…

…gives way to light within the
dawn’s awakening daze. But the hunger remains and the
solemn facade does not change. The problem still lies within my
heart and his corpse beneath my…

…feet. Eventually, light gives way to beautiful darkness
in dusk’s final glimpse. Again stones stand stark beneath the
ever watchful moon. My hunger intensifies and I
feel at home over shadowed by the darkness…

…always the darkness surrounding my gentle heart.

The Cliff.

Warm rays beat down upon our faces, contradicting the barren land beneath our feet. Heartfelt farewells occur behind my spine as my heart dives ten stories down. Loving arms encase my anxious soul, awakening me to this awful reality.

One step closer.

I tightly wrap my arms around her tiny waist and hide my face within her hair. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. She smells so sweet, like a favorite memory. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

One step closer.

After four months of absence and silence, after shared life altering experiences, after commuting hours upon hours just to visit, farewell arrives much too soon. Houston traffic rushes by with blaring horns and screeching tires as she gently pulls away.

One step closer.

The previous night irrevocably brands my memory. Hours of dancing, laughing, singing, and jesting created a night I shall never forget. Memories bonded us closer than ever before, strengthening a bond only friends can share. The night passed faster than any in history and now, here we stand.

One step closer.

When we planned this mecca of friendship, I actually believed everything would change. She finally learned my awful secrets, those deep dark skeletons we all keep inside, and the seed of doubt was planted deep within my bosom. Now, with so few moments left to grasp, my soul is weeded and my heart caressed by love’s gardening hands. Nothing has changed between her heart and mine, not a single microscopic detail was altered by our confessional in time.

Her sister hugs me tightly until my lungs kiss the other. Her parents soon follow suit, tightly grasping me betwixt their arms and pressing lips upon my cheek one at a time.

One step closer.

My traveling companion buckles in as calm as a peacekeeper’s dove reminding me of the time and how our tank was already full. I glanced down upon my feet and grimaced at the sight. I stood much too close to the edge of goodbye.

Emily’s parents and sister departed, calmly climbing into their vehicle as my heart crashes down. One last look upon her face says it all, “I love you and I shall miss you even more”.

One step closer.

I back away from the edge. I back away towards my car. Emily watches me silently, never once missing a step. I slowly buckle in and glance from mirror to mirror, in every reflection I swear I see tears. Breathing deeply I change gears. It is as bad as I feared. With each breath I smell her perfume and with each glance I see tears.

One step closer.

Somehow I dived off the cliff. I bid farewell. I waved goodbye. I began my descent into reminiscent memories and departure. Tears swelled upon my eyes as realization struck. However, in my heart of hearts even I knew that true friends, no matter how far they may go, shall always remain dependable for each other.

A Night’s Crusade.

Stark white tablets stand prone against harsh gusts of cruel autumn wind. Solemn trees bend and bow to the oncoming winter months, leaving bright orange, red, and brown remnants coloring the ominous ground with memoirs of life past. Yet, the hush of the night blankets all sound with depths of significance causing ripples of curiosity throughout the land. The howl of a lone wolf cannot be heard upon deaf ears, nor can the luminosity of the moon be absorbed by deadened flesh.
A lone silhouette stands shrouded by darkness amongst the be-shadowed markers. Long strands of hair tickle cheeks and chest curtaining her facade, worn and scarred by life less kind. Narrow, almost skeletal hands reside within caskets of cloth and feet, mimicking the Reaper’s form live boldly within coffins of rubber and well-worn leather.
One single exhalation signals movement. Her eyes slowly uncover two reflectors glowing in the mid of night. Above another tombstone, she resides. The morbidly arched stone regarding the figure with unsound tranquility. A slight twitch of the hand signals life from the intruder, dropping a single red rose from betwixt pale fingertips shadowed faintly by night’s embrace. The intruder recklessly disturbed the masquerade between nature and woman, ceasing their secret folly with one simple gesture.
Slowly, the bleeding fragment of life kisses the dampened earth containing boxes upon boxes overflowing with dead, decaying flesh. Within the space of a moment, those pale cylindrical appendages disappeared and a tarnished heart-shaped locket joined the rose. The sound of metal clinking against metal and earth disturbed the peaceful atmosphere sending mourning doves booming into the air, the leaves rustling in gentle protest, and the earth to awaken from its slumber at last.
Numerous glowing orbs opened, reflecting the moon’s light back upon the figure. Bone-chilling glints of white snared the earth within their grasp, digging their sharpened points deep into earth’s tender flesh.
Nature is angry.

Unfathomable

I always hear speak of everlasting love from lips of roses and lips of ash, yet when love knocks upon wood and steel, tables are turned hiding trembling bodies. With no one left to answer her call, she is forced to slip twixt nook and cranny until buried deeply within some beating chest or soul.
When love crept beneath my door, I giggled and chuckled before gasping in surprise. You were not my type. Why should you rule my life? But love over ruled and I told you such, as I surfed upon the waves of your poetic banter and praise until we both sat with a surprise glaze on our eyes.
My love scared you at one time, surprised and thrilled you at one time. Months passed by with nothing more than laughter and rhyme until fear accompanied sadness with time. You live in torment because you deny selfish desires, yet demand you do not wish to lose me in any sense of the term. What you seem to not comprehend is human nature is selfish. Do you not think it pains me to turn away from objects I alone desire in exchange for a gift for another, or even, nothing at all?
It is excruciating.
But a life without love is far worse. A love without you is not love at all. It exists a being apart from the world. It exists as a fantasy, a fairy tale, a myth that remains unfathomable.

Demon Hoard

Once upon a time you asked me what my feelings were for you. You questioned how I could ever love you as much as my heart says I do. I was caught off guard by such a question and couldn’t see the future consequences of remaining speechless.

Everyday I tell you how much I love you. Every day I tell you how beautiful your soul is. Every day I let you know in some way how useless I would be without you.

But it’s not enough.

Still you insist on your inadequacy and doubt everything equating in us. You persist in your feelings of departing from this partnership and I am left lying shivering at Hell’s door. I lie tear-streaked and overwhelmed by pure agony, feeling utterly alone as masses of demons peck at my hands and feet. 

My love for you knows no bounds. My love for you warms the soul and lifts the spirit. My love for you ignites the eternal flame within my heart of hearts resulting in an undeniable capability to achieve absolutely anything. My love for you cannot be tampered with, it cannot be tamed. When I just simply gaze upon your pale, beautiful face, I feel tugs forced upon organs I never thought I would feel. Simultaneously I am aroused, I am tamed, I can fly, and I can never die. You are my power and you are my kryptonite.

I was speechless not because I do not love you unconditionally, but because unconditionally it is you that I love.

You are my world, my sun of my universe. You are the heavens in my sky. You are the light in my eye.  

Authors and painters and poets alike have attempted and tried to describe the wonders of love and passion, but never have I once found an accurate description of the love bursting forth from this heart to yours. 

Our love exceeds all bounds. Our love exceeds death itself. 

I am left lying at Hell’s doors tear-stained and trembling beneath the hunger of hundreds of demons. My eyes shut tight and my lips quivering, vibrating against the other, I lie awaiting the fate to be bestowed upon my tormented soul. For, without you, I feel nothing, I want nothing, I am nothing. 

I await my angel to emerge through the top of Hell’s cavern surrounded in beams of illumination, beating her wings against demons faces, slowly drifting southerly as she reaches for my heart. Six months ago I first saw this heavenly being and was saved from the self-pitying torment of my dastardly soul and for every day afterwards I was blessed to gaze upon her face and even, occasionally kiss her rosy lips. 

I shall lie crushed betwixt cavern floor and demonic hoard until my love recaptures me. 

Fighting to live.

Some Feelings.

Some feelings cannot be written into words. Some feelings run deeper than our very veins. They are more a part of us than the breaths we take to survive. Some feelings are inescapable. Some are prisoners of themselves. Some feelings are jailbirds running from themselves. Some feelings should not be explained. Some feelings hold the secret to life itself. 

Come Back to Me.

So many moments my tongue twists barricaded behind fortified lips, barred by decaying teeth. My barren flesh dries and cracks beneath the harsh climate of uncertainty. That interior organ pumping and pushing vessels through narrow channels, pounds against tissue and bone cataloging each fiery feeling erupting for you. Weights pull each organ down through bloodied oceanic tides, tossing, turning, drowning beneath waves of desirous magnanimity. Monogamy revels in its difficulty snickering when temptation nips upon the seams of true happiness. Yet, my love for you tramples through the mud and muck of promiscuity spewing its profanities. My love twists and tangles throughout every nerve and vein, entangling my very soul in the comforts of you. The vibrating organ shocking my consciousness with minuscule electrodes each inopportune moment throughout my frightened life. Normality the interruptions straining emotional capacity. All the atoms within my pitiful being capable of dreaming, able to aspire, dream of loving you, aspire to reclaim you, all of you. Your essence overwhelms my soul. Allow me to bask in your presence. Allow me to drink your inhibitions and devour your fears. Rest comfortably within my embrace.

I am yours.  

Revitalize.

First meeting.

Electric rush. 

Pressing flesh. 

Days pass by. 

Months fleeting. 

Comfortable touching. 

Distancing kissing. 

Shorter conversations. 

Petty bickering talks. 

Family forged. 

Stronger love. 

Questioning minds. 

Meet first again. 

Electric rush. 

Cosmic touch.

Missed. 

So long.