Blood pours upon the ash, splashing and splattering atop remnants past. Somewhere between the madness and the sadness it all came crashing down. I feel irrational, confrontational, even partially delusional as I watch my heart pulsate upon that bloodied ground. I feel outside is inside and everybody’s outside, peering through their windows of blue as if they’re safe from what’s really on the inside and there you go, walking away from the whispers and straight towards your fears. Footsteps slowly dissipating, absorbed by all those people crowding along the walls looking in to see what it’s about, looking in to see what i am all about. All the while, your feet tread away and quieting down I am left on my own and calming down I just can’t believe how smoothly you get away with murder.
My toes struggle against that constricting shoe cracking glass and spreading all that reddened goo and still I hear, the whispers and footsteps, still I hear the laughter of memories. My eyes transfixed watching red conquer white, staining the ground with nothing, not even one fight. Slowly spreading like whispers in the night air or trust for one pair, the reddened goo creeps through the night, drinking down everyone’s fight. All the while you walk away with no explanation, no reason, no blame. All the while your footsteps fade and I am amazed that you are getting away with murder.
My knees crash down resounding in a boom and all eyes thrust to me as the house lights fade. I am the star in this life escapade. I am the leading actress in this one night play. My heart beats slower the more I draw near and this time it is forever I fear. Forever curled beside a personal bass drum. Forever blanketed by spilled, tainted blood. Kept warm by memories too far to reach, and much too naive to ever rethink. Cold and alone with spot light glaring down, awaiting my next performance in this godforsaken town. All the while, as the lights fade away, the whispers quiet and the stage slips away, I hear those footsteps walking away with no farewell or last escapade. All the while my mouth hangs dry wondering why you should get away with murder.
Curled around that slowly quieting organ, flesh to flesh, wound to wound, pieces of me flutter about the room. Nothing quite seems right, nothing fits just right. Nothing fills the nothingness enveloping my fleeing soul. Darkness crawls nearer upon its wounded knees and scurrying claws, grinning with its menacing fangs and crusted lips. I stare face to face with that demon of darkness, that shadowy spirit, that faulty Pharaoh of pain and suffering. I know his name and I touch his face, his mission is clear but I shalt not release this world which has haunted me, this world that has abandoned me. No matter the illogical conclusion, no matter the naivety, no matter the despairing state of my depravity, I shalt not release my hold upon this world of imperfect mortality. This world contains such abundance of hope and opportunity. No, Death shalt not grasp my hand tonight. Yet, as I gaze upon his fiery stare reflecting the depths of Hell in all its fiery torment, I hear your footsteps echoing within my mind, trampling down upon my heart. My eyes witness the heels crushing my heart and still you say nothing. Still, you are getting away with murder.
Grasping my heart tighter, clenching it close, I open my chest and release the tears drowning my soul. Never before has such agony been bestowed upon damnation itself. With such grievous tears I wash that hellish demon away who calls himself Death. Pressing that pulsing organ further I force my heart back within my aching bosom and weep from the sheer excruciating punishment that hath been bestowed upon me. Slowly, so very slowly, I slip and slide to my knees. My head falls backwards from exhaustion or praise, I shalt not know, either way I glanced upwards towards that heavenly light and thanked the skies, thanked the stars, thanked the heavens above for my inner salvation and all that hath become of me. All the agony, all the pain, all the negativity and punishing activity, created the life and the being that I am today.
Still, heart wounded, barely beating inside, blood dripping from betwixt nail and flesh, I stumble upwards, thrust my chin high, and fall off the stage of expectancy. Society chokes bending their necks so far to watch down their noses at my human facade. Normality is relative as is everything else, yet society dictates what everyone does.
Except for now.
Stumbling harshly and acting quite rashly, I chase those footsteps in great thriller fashion. Always echoing within the confines of my mind, always stamping down upon each vessel in my heart, always crushing the wings of my mortal soul. All the while silent as a ghost as you expertly get away with murder.